


Fixated

by idola



Category: Magi: The Labyrinth of Magic
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-31
Updated: 2015-12-31
Packaged: 2018-05-10 18:40:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,361
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5596645
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/idola/pseuds/idola
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hakuryuu was always kind of at the center of Judar’s life.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Fixated

Judar was pretty sure he was turning into a lovestruck teenager.

And it wasn’t like it had happened overnight or anything. The realization might have, but looking back he’d felt this way for years. He was just slow when it came to figuring out what he was honestly feeling.

It wasn’t one of those king candidate things, either. If it were then he would have felt the same about Kouen or Koumei. And he didn’t. It was only Hakuryuu, and Hakuryuu wasn’t even one of his kings (yet).

When he didn’t want to deal with the masked magicians he thought of where was Hakuryuu to feel better. When he thought about the future, he thought about Hakuryuu there. And here was the worst part. When he got to talk to Hakuryuu the rukh glowed that awful shade of pink that told him he was in it deep.

Well, in the past something similar had happened once. But it wasn’t the same and it didn’t make him _happy_ and Hakuryuu did and it was a weird feeling no matter how many times it happened.

After all, Judar had known Hakuryuu since they were kids. They were friends for a time. The highlight of his childhood was always talking with others his age like Hakuryuu. Then the fire happened and things weren’t so smooth anymore. But he could never forget those times, and it wasn’t like Hakuryuu was someone else now. He was still Hakuryuu and Judar still liked him. In fact, his feelings had only grown over the years as Hakuryuu became stronger and more interesting.

Judar liked to look to the future when he was tired of the present - the future where he and his king would make a country together was his favorite thing to think about. He had gone through the details of that future thinking of a number of people - with Sinbad, Kouen, Koumei… well, he never really considered it with a lot of the guys Al-Thamen had him raising dungeons for. And he never thought it would be that fun to have a kingdom with Kouen or Koumei. They always treated him like a kid.

Sinbad was a unique case. He thought he might have feelings for Sinbad until he realized that he really didn’t. If he had feelings for something there, it was his power or his actions or even his body. Sinbad was the ideal king. Any Magi would long for him. It wasn’t the same feeling as with Hakuryuu by a long shot.

Hakuryuu went along with his antics even if he was still angry about the whole Al-Thamen thing. Speaking of the Al-Thamen thing, Judar didn’t know what to do about that. Since he was a child, he had been vaguely aware that if he tried to leave Al-Thamen would stop him. The only way to "start over" was to get the protection of Sinbad or someone equally powerful. No matter how much Hakuryuu thought he could just give up and become a regular palace magician or something, it was impossible. And Judar didn't think it would really be worth the effort if it were possible.

Not that he was asking for forgiveness or saying Hakuryuu should give up his anger because he wasn’t. He just wanted Hakuryuu to accept that he was always going to be angry and have some fun sometimes. He was boring if he allowed himself to become stagnant. Hakuryuu’s expectation that those feelings would pass was what made him miserable, not the feelings themselves. Judar would know.

After all, for all of his anger and his rukh that wouldn’t return to white no matter what happened, Judar was no stranger to those feelings of being trapped. He wanted to share them with Hakuryuu and let him know they were similar, but he knew Hakuryuu and it would be stupid to try. It would also be stupid to confess that sometimes he felt like he was falling in love with him. Yeah, it was really a problem.

Besides, Judar was never really a confess-his-love-directly type of person. He was more of the be-a-pest-about-it type. And Hakuryuu expected that of him so it all kinda worked out.

If he put his arms around Hakuryuu, he was treated like a pest. If he told Hakuryuu he wanted him to be his king for real, he was treated like a pest. Maybe it was because he was a guy or maybe it was because Hakuryuu tried to avoid thinking too hard about what he might be feeling for fear of sympathizing with the enemy. But it never really got through his thick skull.

That sucked. Judar didn’t like feeling ignored and didn’t like feeling lonely. But he didn’t think that Hakuryuu could keep that attitude up forever. No matter how Judar looked at it, he was the best way for Hakuryuu to get power. He made sure of it too. By offering Paimon to Hakuei, Hakuryuu would feel resentful of his sister and her power. She was his only support in the country and she already had a djinn so he should hurry up and agree to get one too.

It wasn’t that Judar was trying to force Hakuryuu into doing it or anything. Well, maybe a little. He never claimed to be a good person. But it was for his own good. If Hakuryuu wanted help outside of the country, he would probably try Sindria. Sinbad was loyal to his country before anything else so unless Hakuryuu could convince Sinbad to abandon that for him (and he couldn’t - Judar had tried to no avail) then he would be getting an unequal agreement from it. Indirectly trying to force Hakuryuu into motion was for his own good.

After a few more years, things changed. Hakuryuu did end up going to Sindria and getting a djinn with a different Magi - the same one that had humiliated Judar six months ago and shown him his true past. It was frustrating, but Judar wasn’t going to give up.

He payed a visit to Sindria to say goodbye to the future he used to think of with Sinbad and make sure Hakuryuu knew he was the best option.

It took another long year and some more backhanded tactics to get Hakuryuu to understand where he was coming from before Hakuryuu came around. When he did, it was worth it. Though he still didn’t put any trust in Judar, he didn’t react so poorly every time Judar talked to him.

He thought that was the only problem with their relationship, that Hakuryuu was still mad about the Al-Thamen thing. Judar was starting to realize that it took a little more to get someone to like him. Really like him. Yeah, maybe he wasn’t really cut out to be a love interest. If he were someone probably would have fallen in love with him already instead of defaulting to physical attraction. He was getting kinda old for a first date. But it was never too late to be a pest about it.

After the incident at Magnostadt, Hakuryuu reacted unexpectedly to his advances. Judar had wrapped an arm around his waist in the empty palace halls and Hakuryuu grabbed him and kissed him in return. Judar was sure it was meant to be more forceful than affectionate, more physical than emotional - Kouha had asked him once if he wanted to have sex once, for no reason other than to do it “since he always dressed like he wanted it.” Judar thought it was probably like that. 

He’d be lying if he said he didn’t like it, though. The only thing he really wanted for the future anymore was to get back at everyone who had the life he never got to live. Eventually he would die doing that. Anything that felt good until then was just that: something that felt good.

 

For the first time in a long time, Hakuryuu surprised him in Belial’s dungeon. Judar understood Hakuryuu, really understood him. But he didn’t expect his fall into depravity to be so wonderful. It was everything Judar had wanted in his life coming together at once - a king who wanted only him at his side, not needing family or friends or love, only Judar. A king that wanted revenge on the life he had led until now just as much as Judar. If that were the only moment that existed in time, he could say he was really happy. Time was linear, though, and he couldn’t say that it made up for the rest of his life.

It was really busy training to take down Gyokuen. Hakuryuu was focused only on his goal - Judar had tested him a few times just to make sure. It wasn’t intentional, just his second nature. As things were now it would be ridiculous for Hakuryuu to betray him. They were bound by Belial and need and maybe even the bright childhood they shared. But that was so far away that it was hard to say.

For all his cautiousness, he really did care about Hakuryuu. It wasn’t like with anyone else. After Belial things became pretty smooth between them again. Hakuryuu was bossy from stress and wanted to keep Judar in his sight at all times. Fair enough. Any other king would have done the same to him.

What any other king wouldn’t have done was change that attitude after victory against Gyokuen. That was all it took to bring Hakuryuu back to the nearly blind trust they’d shared as kids. Where things had been forceful, they became gentle. Hakuryuu had been performing grotesque experiments on the people he was supposed to protect for weeks, but now the same hands ran down Judar’s back with fondness.

The feelings he had for Hakuryuu didn’t really feel real. They were real, but they felt like they belonged to someone else sometimes. Or like they belonged to the Judar of another life. Gyokuen made them sound like a mockery of a Magi and a king and maybe she was right. But Judar took comfort in knowing that everything that was wrong with what they had together was wrong because of her. Despite everything, he was having the time of his life.

It was good. Better than anything else Judar could think of. Together, he and Hakuryuu would keep getting rid of the people who ruined them. Become the worst they could be before falling into the abyss where black rukh gathered for eternal punishment. It would be fun.

Maybe other people who did something wrong liked redemption. That might have been what tied them to the white rukh, the idea that fate would have pity on their souls and grant them happiness at the end. He really didn’t need it, though. Any happiness past Hakuryuu loving him was happiness he didn't need.

Most of the time Hakuryuu was preparing for the civil war. He could only prepare as long as there was light left in the day so they spent nights together, sometimes planning and sometimes fucking. There wasn’t a lot that could happen that would make them win the war. Hakuryuu could always crawl to Sinbad begging for help, but that was as shameful as it got. He had no need to do that while Judar was there anyway. If they could kill Kouen it would be their win - that was the only reasonable tactic. 

Hakuryuu insisted that Judar show him the boring summit the others were having so he did. His first response was to complain about how it would have helped to kill Gyokuen significantly. It was just like Hakuryuu to ignore that the story meant he had killed his innocent mother as well as Arba. That was part of what he liked about Hakuryuu, though.

Surprisingly Hakuryuu had another question. He wanted to know how Judar learned about the isolation barrier and if he knew about the divine staves. It was an indirect way of asking about his feelings - rather, if he had feelings that Hakuryuu was unaware of. Judar changed the topic and preparations continued.

Since fate was still a thing and all, those good times had to end. Aladdin had shown him his true past and now was trying to tell him that his future was wrong. Yeah, yeah. Belial said the same thing. That wasn’t important.

What was important was that he had to defeat Aladdin. That Aladdin thought he had to be defeated. All his life he had lived doing what others wanted him to do and had done many bad things as a result. Now he was doing things how he wanted to and they were still bad things. Aladdin was probably right that he needed to be defeated. But that didn’t mean he was going to give up.

There was a lot of weird magic that he had known since he could remember that he had never really known the purpose of. This magic was the weirdest of them all. Magnostadt had been enlightening from the headmaster’s formulas to seeing the medium in action. It was a large amount of destruction that nothing else would accomplish. It would easily win against Aladdin. Hakuryuu would die too if it were completed, but it wasn’t like he was planning on living a full life anyway. All Hakuryuu wanted to do was keep killing until someone killed him. They were the same, after all.

Again fate found a way to fuck things up. The worst possible outcome was that he couldn’t accomplish his magic and win and that he wouldn’t be able to participate in the second part of Hakuryuu’s revenge.

In that boring span of time away from the world he lived in and its action and its suffering, he found comfort once again in thinking of Hakuryuu. Their past together, their happiness as a Magi and king, and their future. It was what he had always dreamed of and looked forward to.

When the past failed, he thought the future. When the future failed, he thought of the past. That was the kind of comfort Hakuryuu brought him and all the comfort he would ever need.

**Author's Note:**

> i really do think that theyre in love, its not perfect to others but its perfect for them. trying to make it work and be happy together has to be worth something (though theres not a lot of time to be happy together outside of aus)


End file.
